Black Butler One-Shots
by SlayerEmma
Summary: A collection of shorts based on your favorite characters. Enjoy.
1. His Butler, the Chef

BAM!

"Third time this week," Sebastian mumbled to himself as he ran into the kitchen. "Third time this week, and it's only Monday."

The chafed butler slammed open the kitchen doors. "Baldroy! How many times do I need to tell you; dynamite shall not be used while preparing the Master's tea!"

"Sorry, sir," Baldroy coughed. The kitchen, what was left of it, was completed covered in ash, and Baldroy stood in the epicenter, holding a burnt tray in one hand and a flamethrower in the other. "You see, Sebastian, it's so much quicker-"

"Clean this up, now, before the earl sees what a mess you've made. I'll finish the tea."

Baldroy's flamethrower was replaced with a broom, and he belligerently went to work on the devastated workplace. As Baldroy swept up the ashes into a neat pile to toss away later, Sebastian was silently preparing Ceil's afternoon tea.

"Bastard," Baldroy whispered under his breath.

"Pardon?"

Baldroy had forgotten about Sebastian's super-sensitive hearing. "I'm sick of you always insulting my cookin'."

"Do I?"

"Stop playing dumb, Sebastian! You know you think you're a better cook than me! An', you know what, you're not the best butler in the world, either!"

That caught his attention. Sebastian placed the saucer and tea on the table and gave Baldroy a death glare only a demon would be able to master. "Baldroy, there is one thing you don't seem to be clear on... and that is, I am one hell of a butler."

"Are you?" he challenged. "What is it you do, again? Tie the master's neckerchief and make sure he's in bed on time?"

"It's more difficult than you think."

"I can butler! Much better than you, might I add!"

"Fine." Sebastian took off his black jacket and handed it to Baldroy. His eyes were open in shock as he received the valued piece of clothing.

"You did mean it, didn't you?"

* * *

"Sebastian! What is taking him so long? Sebastian!"

Baldroy sprinted into Ceil's study. "Yes.. Master?..." he gasped, trying to collect his breath.

"Where's Sebastian?" Ceil demanded.

"He's in the kitchen. We're switchin' positions for the day, aye?"

Ceil closed his eyes as his hand went to his forehead.

"Anything you need, my lord?" Baldroy asked.

"Why, Baldroy?"

"'E kept insulting my cooking."

"Go get Sebastian."

"But-"

"GO GET SEBASTIAN!"

* * *

Mey-Rin and Finnian were finishing up their evening chores just as the sun was setting that evening. Neither of them had seen Baldroy all day, and they were both slightly worried, but had other tasks to keep them occupied.

Now that the day was over, however, Mey-Rin and Finny were completely curious to the whereabouts of their fellow servant. They were sitting out in the garden relaxing for the last hour of the day and discussing their theories.

"He's probably in the kitchen, 'e is," Mey-Rin suggested, "Maybe there was another... er, accident, and he's still cleaning up?"

"You think we should help him?" Finny asked as he stroked Pluto. The human-dog was curled up on in the grass, stark naked, except for a silvery blue collar he wore around his neck. Finny loved the house pet. Ever since they found the animal and took him home, it was his job to keep care of the demon hound, and so far, Finny had done an excellent job.

"That disgusting creature's nothing but trouble, 'e is. And 'e smells, 'e does."

Unfortunately, not everyone at the manor found Pluto as irresistible as Finny did.

"Good evening, Mey-Rin, Finnian."

Finny screamed and Mey-Rin jumped on instinct. Standing behind them, smiling, was Sebastian. He held a plate for Mey-Rin and one for Finnian. "I thought you might like to try my latest creation."

"Oi, you scared me, Sebastian, you did," Mey-Rin said, adjusting her glasses.

"Yeah, me too," Finny agreed. They each took a plate of food from Sebastian and tasted it. After his first bite, Finny took three more, stuffing his face to full capacity.

"Wow, Sebastian," he said, crumbs spilling from his mouth, "This is great!"

"It is!" Mey-Rin said, taking another bite of the delicious dish. "Why don't you start cooking for us, Sebastian?"

"I believe that's Baldroy's job." Sebastian pulled a dog treat from his pocket and gave it to Pluto, who wagged his bottom end as if saying "thank you."

"Baldroy... Do you know where he is, Sebastian?"

"He should be joining us soon."

On cue, Baldroy came running into the garden area, with a deranged Ceil hanging from his shoulders. "Alright, alright! Sebastian, you were right!"

Baldroy reached the group just in time for Ceil to jump off his shoulders, causing Baldroy to topple on his face into the grass. The rest of the group studied the scene for a moment, wondering what should be done.

"So, Sebastian," Finny asked, "What else is on the menu for tonight?"


	2. His Butler, Engaged

The records in the reapers' library are ordered from A to Z by last name, the birth-year of the person you are searching for, and the opposite of their zodiac sign, catalogued backwards. It would have been quite confusing to find Bassy's cinematic record if I didn't already know where it was.

For once, the library was silent, and William was gone, and I had all the time in the world to do whatever I wanted with any book I could reach. Of course, there was only one in mind... I tore the dusty leather-bound book marked "Sebastian Michaelis" from its resting place and sat hugging it on the marble floor.

"Oh, Bassy, one day you and I will be together forever! I promise you!" I shouted. My voice echoed throughout the empty hall. It really was deathly silent in there when Willy was gone.

"Ha! Deathly silent! Get it?" I laughed at my own joke and opened Bassy's record book to the last page. When I first read his record, I was expecting to see some juicy stuff- he is a demon, after all- but all I found was him kissing Ciel and buttoning his shirts and cooking his meals. "If you kiss Ciel like that, I don't see why you can't do the same to me!" I screamed into the empty air. "Don't think I'm not watching, Bassy!"

Humph.

I've been waiting for the chance to do this ever since the Undertaker demonstrated how it's possible to change someone's record. It's so simple. I don't see why William never taught me before. It's almost as if he doesn't trust me.

"Sebastian Michaelis," I began writing, "Proposed to Grell Sutcliff in March of the year 1892... In a beautiful London garden where the two lovers watched the colorful butterflies flutter from flower to flower. His lady was dressed in a beautiful red sundress, with a matching sash and hat, and Sebastian wore his usual black suit, his hair was combed and his eyes stared straight into her soul, expressing the true love they both felt for each other.

"Suddenly, he got to one knee and pulled a small silver box from his pocket. 'Grell,' he said, 'I want to know you will always love me and we will always be together.'

"'Of course, Bassy!' I- scratch that- Grell said, 'Forever and ever and ever... And ever!" I giggled. "Oh, this is just too romantic! I can't stand it! Sebastian placed the sparkling ring to his soon-to-be bride... The two kissed, and their wedding was held the next month at the chapel of-"

"Heh heh heh."

"Undertaker!" I slammed the book close and felt my face grow warm. "What are- What are you doing here?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "May I see that book you're holding, Grell?"

"No. It's mine."

"Oh?"

"No, it's not mine." I fell onto my back so my head was between his feet and I was staring up into his golden green eyes. Those eyes... No wonder he had to keep them covered under his hair... Those eyes could enchant even the strongest man...

"Whose is it, then?"

"Huh?"

"Whose cinematic record is it that you're holding there, hmm?"

"Bassy's. Er, Sebastian. Michaelis. Sebastian Michaelis'."

Undertaker knelt next to me on the floor of the library. Our eyes met. Please kiss, please kiss, please kiss, I mentally tried to message him. He groped for something in the pocket of his black robe.

"Undertaker?"

"Yes, Grell?"

"Do you-"

I didn't get to finish my question. The Undertaker found what he was looking for- a pink bookmark. The pink bookmark. It think it's called the "Pink Bookmark of Death" or something similar but I couldn't recall at the moment.

"Forget something?" he asked.

"Are you supposed to use that when changing the records? So, everything I just wrote..."

"Heh heh heh. What is it you were writing, anyway?"

What was I writing? Something about Sebastian? Did we kiss yet? What would Undertaker's children look like? Pink hair, green eyes, freckles? My face turned red again. How I both loved and loathed that color.

But mostly loved. It was red, after all.

Undertaker tried taking the book from my hands. I jumped up, pulled out my Super Awesome Death Scythe of Death (scissors), and tossed the book behind me. "Mine," I said.

The Undertaker mirrored my move, swinging his own Death scythe (an actual scythe- go figure) inches from my face. He laughed. "I do like a good fight every now and then, but I'm not sure how dear William would feel if your blood stained his library. I do know how much he cares for the place."

"It will be your blood staining the floor to this wondrous library! Snip-snip-snip!" I came at him with the scissors. Undertaker laughed and dropped his scythe. "Are you not scared?" I snipped the scissors again for emphasis. "These things can be deadly."

"You're cute, Grell."

Me?!

Cute?!

The Undertaker thinks I'm cute?!

"Whaaaaaa-?"

Undertaker grabbed Bassy's record book and ran out the door with his scythe while I continued to stand there like an idiot.

"Wait a minute! Snip-snip!" I ran after him, snipping my scissors through the air and shouting, "Do you really think I'm cute?!"


	3. Letters From Grell

Grell Sutcliff:

It saddens me to inform you that you have been demoted once again for the following violations: misuse of the cinematic record library; misuse of the death scythe you had previously been assigned; and assault of the Undertaker. Congratulations. I don't believe any other shinigami has ever fallen to your current position.

Your powers as a grim reaper are hereby suspended, until further notice. Headquarters has requested the immediate return of your scythe. A conference will be held to decide your new placement.

William T. Spears

* * *

Dear Willy,

Thank you for your kind notice, but I don't believe attacking the Undertaker with scissors counts as assault nor misuse of my scythe.

Also, I will admit to breaking into the library while you were away, but no records were damaged or stolen except for Sebastian Michaelis', which was both broken and stolen. HOWEVER, I was not the one to steal Bassy's records. That was the Undertaker. You should punish him instead of me.

Also, on the topic of death scythes, I suggest you give me a cat gun as my next one. Scissors, as you may already know, are overrated and very difficult to customize.

Kisses,

Grell

* * *

Grell,

No, you may not have a cat gun. I was thinking more along the lines of nail clippers. Please return your death scythe.

William

* * *

Dear Willy,

I'm afraid I'll have to refuse the offer of nail clippers as my death scythe. Maybe you can save them for yourself.

I may have been unclear in my last letter about what exactly a "cat gun" is. It is not a gun for hunting cats. That would be pointless. It is a gun that projects cats through the air, attacking your enemies with both cuteness and sharp claws.

As a bonus, Sebastian loves cats. I could easily distract him with my scythe. You might be wondering why I am trying to distract Sebastian, but I'm afraid I am not allowed to tell you that yet! You'll find out when you receive the wedding invitations!

Grell Sutcliff

* * *

No.

William


	4. His Butler, Nurse (Snow-White Pluto)

**His Butler, the Nurse (Pluto the Snow-White Dog)**

"Ciel!" Elizabeth Midford ran into the master's bedroom crying. "Sebastian told me you were sick... I was so worried! I came to help you feel better!"

"I am not sick." Ciel was sitting up in his bed, reading another letter from the Queen. "As soon as Sebastian allows it, I will return to work."

"No, no no no!" Lizzie jumped onto Ciel's bed and asked, "Can we cuddle?"

"Just don't touch me."

Lizzie wrapped her arms around her fiancé and kissed his cheek. "I will tell you a story, 'kay? Then you will feel better. Once upon a time..."

* * *

...In a land far, far away, there lived a dog with fur as white as snow and eyes as red as blood. He was as tall as the tallest building, and he went by the name 'Pluto'.

Pluto's owner was King William, the kindest king that land had ever reigned over the land. Every day, as Pluto went for his morning walk, the king's subjects would greet him with "Hello!" or give him a dog treat.

Unfortunately, not everyone in the kingdom loved Pluto as much as the king did. The king's wife- Pluto's step-mother, Queen Undertaker- was extremely jealous of the mutt and would do anything in her power to rid of him.

It was a little-known fact that Undertaker was a witch, skilled in the art of black magic and making deadly potions. One day she became fed up with how much William loved Pluto more than her and she killed the king in his sleep. It was a tragic loss for everyone in the kingdom.

Still, the Queen had not gotten rid of Pluto. Every night, she asked her death scythe; "Death scythe, death scythe, in my hand... Who is the most loyal in all the land?" The answer would always be Pluto, no matter what the Queen tried to do to change it.

Queen Undertaker called upon her servant, the huntsman Grell Sutcliff, to finally rid of this monster once and for all.

* * *

"Elizabeth, I hate to interrupt...but isn't this just the story of Snow White with different characters?"

"No. It is called Pluto the Snow White Dog, and I wrote it myself." Lizzie flashed Ciel a brilliant smile. "Just for you! So you better be paying attention."

The door to Ciel's room creaked open and Sebastian peeked his head through. "I'm sorry, Master, is she bothering you? Lady Elizabeth begged me to let her enter your room."

"She's fine, Sebastian."

"I brought your tea." His butler pulled a rolling cart with a tea service into the room. "For you as well, Elizabeth?"

"Thank you, Sebastian. I will take some. Would you care to hear my story?"

Ciel attempted to signal "NO" to his butler without hurting fragile Elizabeth's feelings, but the black butler didn't seem to notice his silent pleas. "Of course, my Lady," said Sebastian.

"Okay. where was I? Oh yes... now, Grell goes out into the forest to kill Pluto...

* * *

Per his master's orders, Grell took Pluto into the forest, tricking the snow-white dog into thinking it was just a usual walk. Pluto, in his human form, would run ahead of the huntsman, chasing the birds and stopping every once in a while to smell the sweet flowers, as he often did on his walks. Once they were far away from the town, however, Grell took out his Super-Awesome-Death-Scythe of Death.

"I am so sorry, Pluto," Grell said, "but I must kill you now, and return your heart to Queen William." He stroked Pluto's hair as he spoke, and swore he saw tears in the demon hound's eyes.

"No! I can't do it!" Grell tossed his chainsaw aside and hugged Pluto. "I couldn't kill such a sweet creature... I shall take my own life to pay for the evil I have done in this world!" Grell took his blade and placed it against his chest. "Now, run, Pluto, run! And make sure no one ever finds you!"

"Woof!" said Pluto. He wagged his rear end like it was a tail.

"Do you understand me? Run away! Go!"

"Woof!" Pluto continued wagging his tail and circling around Grell, who was still waiting for the dog to leave so he could go ahead and kill himself. "Woof!" Pluto suddenly jumped on Grell, knocking the knife out of his hands and saving the suicidal huntsman from himself.

"Pluto... You saved me..." Grell gasped. The demon hound licked Grell's face, in the way that dogs do when they are pleased with their owner. Grell was extremely misled by this innocent act, and licked Pluto's snout in return.

* * *

The Undertaker barged into the room. "Heh heh... Ciel Phantomhive, are you ready for me to take your measurements for your coffin."

"I am not dying," Ciel said as he took a small sip from his tea. "I am not sick."

"Please leave, Undertaker," said Sebastian.

"You know what that's going to cost..." he snickered.

Lizzie growled. "You can listen to my story if you promise not to touch Ciel."

"Of course, my lady." He bowed mockingly. "Let's hear this story of yours... Heh."

* * *

After Grell left the woods, Pluto began searching deeper into woods in his demon-hound form. It was so much easier to see where he was going when he was hundreds of feet tall and able to peek over the top of the branches.

After a few hours of searching, and with the sun starting to fall under the horizon, Pluto spotted a small cottage hidden beneath the trees. Inside the cottage lived seven people; one woman who was caring for six men. Their names were MeyRin, Ciel, Sebastian, Finny, Baldroy, Prince Soma, and Agni. They were all a very happy family as long as Ciel was the leader. So when Ciel saw the giant dog peering into their house, and insisted on keeping him, no one disagreed.

Pluto was a very spoiled dog when he was with his new family. The family in the woods worked for the evil Queen Undertaker, and often left Pluto behind when they left to do their work. Pluto didn't get lonely, as he had his friends in the forest to play with. Life was good for our snow-white dog.

Until one day, the evil Queen returned.

Queen Undertaker was easily able to bribe Grell into telling him where Pluto was hidden. She had used her black magic to make a special treat for Pluto- a poisoned dog biscuit. She left the village and met Pluto in the woods one evening.

"Hello, little doggy," the Undertaker said, "would you care for a cookie?"

"Woof!"

Pluto accepted the treat from the Queen and ate it in a single bite. He coughed, fell over, and died. "Heh heh heh!" the Undertaker laughed. "Finally I have gotten rid of that stupid mutt!"

* * *

Lizzie paused her story-telling and started crying. "It's so sad! Pluto... Pluto DIED!"

"It's just a story, Elizabeth," Ciel assured her. "Please continue. I love it."

"You do?" she sniffed. "You... love my story? Really? Okay... When the seven others returned home to find Pluto dead...

* * *

...They were horrified. Prince Soma and Agni tried to revive the dog, but nothing could be done. "I'm sorry," Sebastian said, "he's gone."

"Pluto!" Finny wailed. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He loved that dog more than anyone else.

The family built a glass coffin for their beloved pet and held a special memorial just for him. The entire forest was filled with gloom as their friend left the world.

Some time later, the seven people who lived out in the woods had a visitor named Lau. Lau was interested in Pluto's dead body, claiming he knew a way to revive him.

"How?" MeyRin asked.

Lau looked to his sister, Ran-Mao. "Seaweed," she said.

Pluto's body was wrapped in seaweed.

He remained dead.

"Oh, well, we tried," Lau said. "Come, Ran-Mao, we're done here."

"Seaweed."

And the two left.

"That was... odd." said Ciel. Everyone agreed with him, and not just because he was the leader. While Ciel and the others were discussing the oddity of Lau's method to bring Pluto back, the old King William appeared out of thin air.

"What?! I thought you were dead!" Baldroy shouted.

"I was," William answered, "But I'm a shinigami, and shinigamis don't die as easily as you might think." He studied Pluto's body. "Ah, I see. It looks like he was poisoned."

"Poisoned?!" Ciel shouted.

"By who?!" MeyRin asked.

"Whom," William corrected. "It appears as if it must be my wife's work. Queen Undertaker."

"Do you know how to bring him back?" Finny whispered.

"He needs a kiss from his true love, which means..." William pushed his glasses onto the bridge of his nose. "We need Grell."

* * *

"Lizzie! That's completely disgusting!"

"I do have to agree with Ciel," Sebastian said. "It's a bit odd to see a male shinigami and male demon hound as... soul mates."

"It's my story! Besides, you should've seen it coming after the scene where Grell freed Pluto."

"That was a lick, not a kiss."

"Like it matters!"

"It does matter! Sebastian, please explain the difference to Elizabeth."

"Lady Elizabeth-"

"Look, I get it!" Elizabeth shouted. "This is a lick-" she licked Ciel's cheek- "and this is a kiss." Lizzie pressed her lips to Ciel's, keeping them in place much longer than the demonstration required. The Undertaker snickered and Sebastian looked away.

"Besides..." she whispered, after releasing herself from Ciel, "it's my story."

* * *

Grell was called out to kiss Pluto and bring him back to life. It was a very touching moment when Pluto finally opened his eyes after the kiss. He smiled, then barked, grateful to be alive again.

"Pluto! You're alive and I LOVE YOU!" Grell hugged his 'soul mate', as Sebastian called them.

"Well," William said, "It looks like my work here is done."

Grell never came to the realization that Pluto was a demon hound, and they spent the rest of their lives together. Pluto continued bringing joy to the kingdom...

* * *

"...And the seven woodsmen who he had made his family, and the other animals who had helped him find his way in the woods. Everyone lived happily after ever. The end."

Lizzie clasped her hands together. "Well, what d'ya think? Did you like my story?"

Ciel smiled. "It was wonderful."


End file.
